The boss

Being a Mom has given me a new appreciation for so many things, including - family, work, relationships, on sleep, space, the lack of sleep and space, on getting time for me, or for us, on health, on the importance of having a glass (or 2) of wine with dinner. Having a child has made me realize that all the little stresses and annoyances in life, don't have to be so annoying (especially after the wine has kicked in). All those little things take away from my focus on all of the positive, on all that I have to be grateful for. It's not always easy though. Like, when I'm overwhelmed with work and leave a huge stack of unfinished business at the end of the day, I have to remind myself, It's not you're most important job.

Other than being a full-time Mom, here's my job situation. About 2 months ago, I put in a request to go part-time. I decided that working 40+ hrs/week away from Adeleigh wasn't cutting it. I felt guilty for every moment I couldn't be with her. I felt guilty for every moment where I was thinking about work, focused on anything other than my baby. (This is why Phaeton and I have only gone on 3 dates sans Baby.)
So, the company I work for requires a full-time recruiter. It's a busy job with a high demand and requires a great deal of focus. Going part-time in that job role just isn't an option, and it makes sense. But, I've been feeling that for where I'm at in my life, I can't devote the time, focus and energy to that role that is required. I've been struggling to keep up with the workload because I'm thinking about monkeys instead.

So one day at daycare, Adeleigh choked on a rock. Fortunately, her daycare provider knew exactly what to do and Adeleigh was fine. Whether or not we were okay is up for debate. Both Phaeton and I left work in a panic and when we showed up at daycare to give her a big hug and take her home for the day, there she was, bouncing and giggling and blowing raspberries like nothing had happened. We were both soaked in my tears. A week later, she had that scary-sick spell that made my hair gray. These back-to-back events led us to re-prioritize. Phaeton and I agreed that it was time for me to cut back at work a little bit. But my request for part-time was denied. We knew what our family needed right now, so I quit my job.
My boss and I had a meeting so I could explain what led to my decision. I explained it all. He asked if they created a part-time role within my department, a role with less hours, less stress, less responsibility, would I be interested. After much indecision and pulling my hair out and talking it through and asking for advice, I decided to quiet the background noise and listen to my gut....

Once the icecream in my belly stopped digesting, it all made sense. I can't pinpoint it to a particular thing, but I knew I needed to accept my boss's offer. My new job role and schedule starts this week. And while it will mean a pay cut, it'll give me valuable and more anticipated time with my daughter. I'm okay with that. Because she's my most important, and much cuter, boss.

A little perspective

Before we had a baby, we had no clue what to expect. We heard all kinds of advice and tips and words of wisdom. [Almost] everything was supportive and positive. Of course we knew it wouldn't all be butterflies and ice-cream sundaes, but we still loved imagining what the future held. We still do. And while [most of] the advice and support has been unbelievably helpful and eye-opening and much appreciated, nothing could have prepared us for the multitude of feelings, emotions and overwhelming sense of love that develops so naturally and effortlessly with becoming a parent.
So, to try and figure out that which was unknown, we tried to establish all of our answers to the questions about parenting before Adeleigh arrived. I think it's important to have a basic, general idea of some ground rules you plan on following, like not giving Baby honey, cow's milk, or cigarettes until Baby is at least one. But I also think it's okay to not follow all of the rules all of the time. Here are some of the rules I've broken: Don't sleep with your baby.  Don't let her watch T.V.  Don't pick her up everytime she cries (I'm getting better about this one, but it's hard). Don't let her have her pacifier after 9 months. Don't let her eat cupcakes. Don't forget to go on a date with your husband at least once a month. I'll stop there. So, what I've learned are that a lot of those "Oh, I'll never do (fill-in the blank here)" comments have turned into "Now I see why some parents buy leashes for their kids." Not that we'll ever do that one (or will we...?) but the motivation behind it makes a little more sense.

Adeleigh eating cupcakes

So, in eleven months, Phaeton and I have gone on 3 dates. This rule is harder to keep than we thought. We already feel that our time throughout the day is limited to spend as a family, so we try to spend every possible moment we can with Adeleigh. My mother-in-law describes it as "Being away from your baby is like having your arm cut off and not knowing what to do with yourself." That's completely how it feels. How can I enjoy a date when my arm is still at home eating sweet potatoes?
The first date, we didn't even know what to do with ourselves. But our friends, Jen and Eric strongly encouraged that we take some time while they and their adorable daughter, Harper watched Adeleigh. We drove from the north end of town, to the south end, probably stopped off at Target somewhere in there, ate Chipotle, I'm sure, and picked her up. It was the weirdest 40 minutes of my life...okay, maybe it was 4 hours. A much needed and appreciated 4 hours, but weird.

Harper and Adeleigh

(photo taken by Harper's mom)

We realize that 3 dates in 11 months isn't much. We just remembered that Monday is our 4th Anniversary. It's amazing to think about where four years has taken us! So there will have to be at least a 4th date before Adeleigh turns four, I mean one.

So part of what makes leaving her so hard is coming to the realization that though Adeleigh is an extension of us, she is her own individual little being. An eating, breathing, sleeping, pooping, crawling, babbling little person. You're probably thinking, Of course she's an individual. But really, this whole concept has taken some getting used to on my part. Especially during those months when Adeleigh was nursing, when I was her source of food, of life. The bond felt as though we were one. We were thriving off one another. And while the breastfeeding days have passed, that bond, that sense of truly needing someone, remains. And it grows everyday.
I'm starting to get it now that I've inherited the responsibility and joy of caring for my own "arm". It's hard to watch when your arm is crying, or teething or bumps its head on the coffee table. But, part of growing as a mom is allowing those aches and pains to happen and realizing that Adeleigh will be stronger because of them. I'm going to have a serious reality check when she starts driving, dating, going to college...One day at a time, Heather. Now I see why my mom was always so protective of her kids. She always wanted to know where we were, when we would be home, that we were safe, and happy. She was following the natural intuitions of being a mom, of having a connection to something, or someone, unlike any other. When I became a mom, I gained a greater appreciation for my mother and for all the protectiveness and worry she felt.

Eleven months in and there are days where I still don't quite know what I'm doing. You really do learn as you go. I try to take it one day at a time and do the best I can. Sometimes I mess up. And I guarantee I'll mess up again. But whatever happens, I won't let Adeleigh kiss any boys until she's at least twenty-one.

Evolution of Bathtime

Before we left the hospital with our new baby girl, we asked our nurse to show us twice how to properly sponge-bathe Adeleigh. This would be our routine for a few weeks until her umbilical cord stump fell off. Her first sponge-bath at home by Mommy was not a success. I don't know how anyone can possibly mess up giving a sponge-bath. But of course, I managed to screw something up. I didn't rinse her well enough and gave her a soap rash. When Phaeton got home, he had to rewash her the correct way. I was grateful that this whole bathing without a bath thing was temporary, because I sucked at it.

I couldn't wait until Adeleigh's belly button could be submerged in water. I wanted to cleanse the whole area and be rid of the shriveled up mutant that was still attached. One of my biggest fears was being home alone when Adeleigh's umbilical cord stump fell off. I had it all planned how it needed to happen. Phaeton would get home from work and do his nightly routine of cleaning around the stump with a Q-tip as instructed by the nurse. He'd be swabbing it and it would effortlessly peel off and jump into the trash. Nothin' to it. Everyone would still be smiling.
But that's not quite how it happened.

I was at home, just Adeleigh and me. I was wearing my comfy moo-moo half unzipped while I nursed her. When she pressed up close to me, I could feel the crusty little guy against my belly. I speak negatively of it, but I was starting to accept the thing as a part of my baby I'd have to grow to love, like an 11th toe. Adeleigh did her thing, ate some, fell asleep. I started to pull her away so I could zip up and when I looked down, I saw a normal belly button. It was so foreign to me. I was so confused. And then I started to piece it all together. If this peach button is here, that must mean that the yellow/green dead button, now disconnected, must be here too........I laid Adeleigh down and the search began. I found myself hesitantly looking around, afraid of where the little dude was hiding, like he might pop up out of nowhere onto my shoulder and startle me. I searched high and low and was finally about to give up. I walked into the bathroom, still half unzipped and looked in the mirror. There it was, dangling from my boob. Gross! I panicked, grabbed a tissue and threw that thing in the trash. Now I need a bath! Can you believe some people save those things in baby books?

After the belly-button bug had been disposed of, we were allowed to submerge Adeleigh in bath water. We were so nervous about giving her her first bath, we watched a video on Babycenter.com about proper technique. Being new parents and completely oblivious to anything other than what the internet says, we took it as gospel. We started watching as a "baby-bath expert and mother of 4" taught a new mom how to bathe Baby Farrah. A minute and a half into the video: "Never leave your baby alone." Check. "Make sure the bath water is warm. Aim for 90 degrees or less." We grabbed the thermometer and tested the water. 90 degrees. Perfect. "Not all babies love their baths as much as Farrah." I picked Adeleigh up, excited and nervous about what kind of a bath-baby she was going to be. We gently placed her in the water. Then, we heard the most heart-wrenching cry of her life. She was miserable. And cold. We realized that 90 is 8.6 degrees colder than normal body temperature. Of course she was crying. She was mad at us. And we were mad at Farrah, for making us believe babies like cold baths. Whatever you do, don't watch this video and believe it.
http://www.babycenter.com/2_video_1486858.bc

We started using the sling in the baby tub because it didn't submerge her completely, but we were still able to safely and effectively rinse and get her clean. We also started using warm water. This made everyone much happier. She would be so comfortable, that she'd oftentimes poop or pee all over the sling. So then we'd have to start over.
How proper of her to cover up for the camera -

We evolved to giving baths without the sling. At least if she peed, we couldn't tell. Out of sight, out of mind. Bathtime would be brief, just in case.

Ducky was a must companion for bathtime. If Ducky wasn't in her chubby hands, she was jammed as far as possible into Adeleigh's mouth. I wish I had a picture of that. If Ducky needed a breath of air and escaped to the water, it was a splash-attack to retrieve her and put her right back in-between Adeleigh's cheeks. Our pants were always soaking wet by the end. The not-so-cute part was that we'd have to go out in the cold and walk Rico with wet pants. And by "we", I mean Phaeton.

Adeleigh and Ducky

Now that Adeleigh has more balance, she uses the big kid tub. She loves it. And she jams as many toys as she can into her mouth at once. I think she's learning a thing or two from Cookie Monster.

I blog when I should be sleeping

One of the things I continually heard when I was pregnant was, "Get sleep now because you won't for the next 18 years." We're 11 months in. That means 205 months to go...with this baby. Add another baby, add another 216 months to our tally.....that's a lot of months without sleep. No matter how many times I heard the "get sleep now" comment, nothing could have prepared me for what was to come.

I used to rely on at least 7 hours of sleep a night to function the next day. Now, I'm functionable with 4 hours - overslept at 6. I remember one night getting 2 non-consecutive hours of sleep and working 9 hours the following day. Days like that make me feel like Super-Mom...for a few minutes. Then I become Zombie-Mom/Grouchy-Wife. And then I usually eat a bag of chocolate chips...because I can.

I know they say there's no such thing as "catching up on sleep", but whoever believes that hasn't met pre-baby me. I did catch up on my sleep. As if 7 or 8 hours of sleep each night wasn't enough, I'd sometimes sleep 11 hours Friday nights. I'd be waking up the next day a few hours shy of when Phaeton got home from work. Now, there's no such thing as sleeping in on the weekends. Adeleigh is on our routine - waking up by 6:30am everyday, including weekends. I guess if I got 5 hours in naps every day, I wouldn't need to catch up on my sleep either.

Another thing we often heard while pregnant was that our baby would sleep with us for the first 3-6 months. At 11 months, we're lucky to have a night where she doesn't end up between us in our bed. It typically starts out warm and snuggly, and usually leads to Adeleigh kicking Phaeton in the throat while digging her baby claws into my cheeks. I imagine she's dreaming of playing Mortal Kombat on her Sega - the baby version. Meanwhile, we're dangling off either side, hopelessly longing for a bigger bed and painless snooze. But at least she's comfortable. We're considering investing in some body armor and helmets.

When we were expecting, we bought ourselves a new mattress. Note to the women: When you are pregnant, it's really easy to get what you want. Not only do you have an excuse to eat everything off yours and your husband's plates, but you have an excuse for not cleaning the house, not emptying the litter box, and not getting up from the chair to get your own glass of water. You have a reason to buy new clothes for your growing self and for your future baby, buy a new mattress and buy all the tubs of icecream or white cheddar popcorn you want. So, we really needed a new mattress because I was pregnant. We also needed a new mattress because Phaeton used to tell me that the mattress we'd been using came from the dumpster. I later found out this wasn't true. But being pregnant and gullible, I immediately did something about it....
We splurged. We opted not for the King size because 1) Did I mention we live in a 1-bedroom condo? Every inch of space is precious. And 2) It was hundreds of dollars more than the Queen. So, Queen it was! It was heaven for my pregnant back. Over a year later, we've just paid it off. Purchasing a bigger bed right now is not an option. Neither is kicking the baby out of our bed, if that's what you were thinking next. I like her there. So, we make it work - most of the time. Occasionally, we girls wake up to a missing Daddy, only to find him fast asleep in the living room on the futon. Other times, I wake up to this -

When I was on maternity leave, I ran into a gal who shared with me that the biggest reason she didn't think she could ever have children was because she couldn't do without her precious sleep. Let me just say - that is never a reason to not have children. Sure, sleep is wonderful. But it does get easier the older Baby gets. When you become a parent, it's like your body and mind are completely transformed. You don't require all that you once did. You're able to function differently because someone is depending on you to be awake every moment they are - to feed, change, entertain, hold and love. You'll forego your own meal, your own blanket, your own nap, your own energy if it means making your baby comfortable. And you probably won't even think twice about it. You'll just do it. And odds are, you'll love every minute of it. The amazement, wonder and joy that a baby brings into your life is far greater than the sleep you'll be missing out on. Everyday, I find myself watching Adeleigh in awe while she snoozes away. Everytime, I'm overcome with gratitude and the most unconditional love - to see her chest rising and falling; to hear her delicate breath; to watch her lips purse as she imagines she's sucking on her pacifier; to feel the warmth that her little 19-pound body radiates. It's so pure and simple and absolutely beautiful. Who needs dreams when you've got this?...

Photo by Jessica Loucks

My minivan is cooler than your minivan

When Adeleigh and all her diapers and gear moved in, we concluded that we needed more space - immediately. So we rented a storage unit. But that didn't seem to be enough. Our solution? The more obvious fix to so many concerns new parents face - Buy a minivan.

It was the last car-shopping day of the month and we went to our family's most frequented used-car dealership in town, Markley Motors. Our intention was not to buy, just to shop, mainly because Phaeton didn't have me sold on the whole mini-van phenomenon. We met with our family's most frequented used-car salesman who showed us a 2008 Chrysler Town & Country, and pursuaded us to "just take a little drive". We ended up in north Loveland before we decided we ought to come back around. The whole drive, I was talking about how we just couldn't afford this, but it was nice to dream. "Thanks for the tease, Used-Car Man." 
We got back to the dealership and Phaeton decided to just "crunch some numbers" with Used-Car Man to see what we could get it for, if we were there to buy. The decided upon amount was too high. I, again, reminded the boys of how we didn't need that van. It'd be a luxury, and would possibly make us the laughing stock of the condo complex - and then I remembered our downstairs neighbor. We call her "Cherry" because 20 hours out of every day she sits in her minivan smoking Cherry-flavored Swisher-Sweets. Okay, this minivan is waaaaay cooler than hers. Still not sold. Then Used-Car Man had to pull the Baby-Card out. He said something like, "You may not need this van, but think of it this way - you'd be getting it for her [pointing to Adeleigh]. It's bigger, safer and it's a car she can grow up with."
Well, when you put it that way -
Sold. I stuck my hand out and we shook on it.
We drove away in our new Swagger Wagon (I stole this term from a youtube video, but the Wagon it's referring to is a Toyota). Click here to watch the official video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql-N3F1FhW4

We love our new ride. When the trunk opens, it beeps like a dump-truck so the whole parking lot knows something awesome is about to happen. When Used-Car Man pushed the button to close the trunk, he stuck his arm in the door and said to me, "I think it has a sensor so it won't close if my arm's here. Let's see if it works." I was standing there holding Adeleigh, afraid we were about to witness the inspiration for the next Saw movie, and threw my hand over my mouth. I gasped as the door kept shutting, gap closing in. It popped back open like there was nothing to it. The boys had to console me for a moment. At least that feature works.
The only hang-up is when I push the button to close the side doors, they are so hyper-sensitive that they bounce back open at least 6 times before I finally have to get back out of the car, use my flimsy arm muscles and shut them myself. Man, I'm so spoiled. When I took the van back to the dealership for them to look at and fix the problem, neither door acted up for them, even though they tried 60 times. Or so they claimed. How convenient.
But one of the many parts we love about our mini-van are the 3 DVD screens. Yes, that's right. There are 3 of them. One is located in the console between the driver and passenger seats and doesn't work when the car is in motion, for obvious reasons. The other 2 are for each row of seats, and can play 2 different DVDs simultaneously. Unfortunately, with Adeleigh still rear-facing until she's 2, she can't view what's playing. But Phaeton can, and frequently does. Star Trek the movie has found a permanent home in our car. When we go out to run errands with Adeleigh sleeping in her carseat, Phaeton graciously volunteers to stay while I do the shopping. "Take your time," he says. And I frequently come back to find him sitting in the back, headphones on, grinning from ear to ear.

We were showing off our recent purchase to our friends, Chad & Shay, and the boys spent hours messing around with the gadgets, admiring the video game console and of course - watching Star Trek, while we girls ate our Walrus icecream. One cool feature they found - the electric blue limo lights that line the ceiling. Shay, we should've just rented you a Town & Country for your bachelorette party! Another cool feature - the main console can download photos from a USB card so you can stare at pictures of your baby while you drive. Until we figure out how to download our own photos, we'll be staring at some little blonde dude frowning on the playground.
Needless to say, I'm sold on the whole mini-van enigma. There's so much storage space (which we need) and it seats 7 (which we will need). So there's room for the 4 other children we'll be having. ((Trying to decipher Phaeton's reaction....))

Cold air - such a luxury

I quit my job today. And then the AC unit broke, badly. The quote is between $1500-2000 to fix or replace it. It's 90+ degrees outside. So living on the 3rd story, with west-facing windows, when heat rises - it's hot in here. Damn you science! Whoever buys our place (when it's For Sale) is going to have a long list of brand new appliances to enjoy: AC unit, dishwasher, washer, dryer, water heater. Every single one of those has broken and been replaced in the last 18 months. That's a lot of money. But this one, this is a doozie.
We started scheming up ways we could pay for the replacement. I actually contemplated seeing how I could appear on Wheel of Fortune. I'm sure it's harder than I realize. But I rock at it! I got the final puzzle today when no one else did, not even Vanna knew - Fuel Gauge. And there were only 3 letters up there. I'm trying to convince Phaeton to try out for Jeopardy! because he's brilliant. Today we both really rocked it because it's Kids Week. We might need to look at a more feasible alternative for paying this expense off though.

So, back to the shiny, new appliances.
Last summer, Phaeton picked up a part-time job working at Best Buy while I was pregnant to help save some cash. His 2 months working there pretty much paid for most of those appliances.
First up: The dishwasher started turning orange on the inside, then brown. We thought it was a build-up of coffee grounds that were backing up into our dishwasher. The dishwasher installer knew otherwise. He opened the door to our dishwasher, paused and said, "You guys haven't been using this, have you?" Uh, yes, for about 6 months. "I've never in all my years of doing this, seen a dishwasher that did this." Uh....??? I ran over to the computer and started Googling the effects that using dishes washed in a dishwasher with orange/brown build-up while pregnant will have on my unborn baby. The build-up was rust that was forming from the wear in our water heater. There came our second appliance - not available at Best Buy. Therefore not available to use an employee discount on.
Third appliance - the washer. We anticipated with a new baby, there'd be lots of laundry that needed tending to. So, I might've sabotaged the old washer on purpose. I put the dog bed in the washer - the entire dog bed - not realizing that dog beds are made of woodchips and dirt. You can imagine the mess that made - all over the inside of the washer, and all over the laundry room floor. Not even worth cleaning. So we just replaced it.
The dryer. It had 1 setting - Hot. But it didn't get very hot. We'd run the dryer time after time and still open the door to find soggy clothes. This one had to go. Besides, the washer and dryer have been in the family for decades, so we figured it was time to update.
Now, the AC unit. For the last 3 years, we've paid for the local AC guys to come out and re-charge our unit and pump it with freon. That's cost us well over $150 each time. Last summer, while pregnant, we paid for them to come out twice because, well, I was pregnant. And I needed my AC on high. Poor Phaeton lived in his sweats last summer. The AC guys told us it wasn't normal for them to have to come so often to do this service, but we couldn't afford the alternative. We still can't, but we have no other option this time so we'll make it work. Cold air doesn't come cheap.
And I thought diapers were expensive.