Milestones

When you become a parent, you spend so much time celebrating your little one's milestones - both small and significant. You look forward to seeing your child reach every new phase of development. You wonder what she'll accomplish tomorrow -

And then she says her first word.

She takes her first steps. 

Cuts her first tooth. 

Sleeps through the night. 

Then she imitates a monkey. 

And celebrates a birthday.

She uses the potty.

She brings home the artwork she created that day. 

And when you ask her to hand you the orange crayon, after scanning a sea of colors, she hands you the orange crayon. 

Then she answers your question with a statement. Carries on a conversation with you. She tells you that "I sleep okay, Mom." And "I'm carrying clothes to Breena's."

Next, she actually seems okay with you walking out the door at daycare. Because she knows now, that you'll be back.

And when you ask her if she'd like to sit on your lap, she tells you "No, thank you" and finds a resting place sitting inside the laundry basket across the room from you.

Bittersweet.

It's all a natural progression of life. Of learning new things. Of becoming independent, and strong. Yet, sometimes I just want to slow it all down.

She's growing up so fast. I think faster than I'm prepared for. And I have to work on reaching some milestones of my own. Some have come more naturally. Some with a fair bit of struggle, and tears. Some are still a work in progress. But just as my little girl's milestones have resulted in a great deal of cognizance and awareness, the milestones we reach as parents deserve their own applause. Or at the very least, a high-five - 

Not that long ago, after being so nervous and unsure of how to even hold a baby, I held her in my arms.

I changed a diaper....successfully. 

I gave her my first bath that didn't end in tears. 

It took awhile, but I took her to a friend's house and actually went on a date with my husband. 

I prevented a temper tantrum and successfully used the power of redirection.

I kissed her owie all better.

I came to terms with the fact that I just can't be with her all day long. 

After over two years, I let that guilt go......

I re-learned how to find pleasure in the simplest things. 

I learned that my capacity to love is endless. 

And today, I learned that sitting in a laundry basket full of clothes on the other side of the room might, at times, be a better idea than sitting on the all-too-familiar, yet always available lap. 

At least she knows I'm close by.

Bittersweet.