Horror Story

After a 10-year horror movie strike, I allowed American Horror Story to come into our home.
Biggest. Mistake. Ever.

Phaeton - "So, I'm going to watch a really scary show. If it freaks you out too much, just tell me to turn it off and I'll watch it when you're not here."
Me - "What is it?"
Phaeton - "American Horror Story."
Me - "You can watch it. I'm not really paying attention."

Twenty minutes later -
Me - "!@#$%^&*(!! Holy m$#@#!. This show is messed up."
Phaeton - "Do you want me to turn it off?"
Me - "Ummm...let's just see how the rest of it goes."

Two episodes later -
Me - "Let's watch another one."
Phaeton - "Bedtime."
Me - "Fine. Where's the nightlight?"
Phaeton - "No, don't turn any lights on. I can't sleep with the lights on."
Me - "I'm watching horror shows with you. You owe me. We're sleeping with the lights on."

Five days and eleven episodes later -
Phaeton - "!@#$%.....This show is really messed up."
Me - "I'm done. I can't watch it anymore. It's too disturbing."
Phaeton - "We only have one episode left! You really don't want to finish it with me?!?!"
Me - "I haven't watched horror movies in ten years. I haven't needed a night light in over twenty years. It's been years since I've slept with my head under the covers. I've started doing all of that in the last five days again. I don't want to start getting night terrors like I did when I was little too.....I can't watch it anymore."
Phaeton - "I bet we watch it tomorrow night."

I turned the night lights on and we kissed good night. Phaeton began snoring within seconds. He has that amazing gift. I, on the other hand, couldn't close my eyes. I was too freaked out. I saw a faint light coming from above the covers, so I peeked. The television set was turned on. I stared at it blankly, completely confused at how that happened. Then, it turned off. The remote was sitting on the bedside table.
True story.

I freaked.
Me, shaking my husband awake - "Phaeton! Phaeton!"
Phaeton - "!@#$%  What?!"
Me - "The TV just turned itself on and off."
Phaeton - "Honey. No it didn't. Go to bed."
Me - "Seriously, Honey. I'm not making it up."
Phaeton - "Nubi did it."
Nubi, our cat, sound asleep across the room - "Prrrrrr..."
Me - "Sweetie. Seriously. I'm freaking out right now."
Phaeton - "Honey, go to bed!"
Me - "You don't believe me, do you?"
Phaeton - "Well, I saw someone standing next to the TV, but I thought that was you..................[pause]..................Tee hee hee....."
I shoved him in the arm.
Me - "Not cool."
Phaeton - "Yeah, but that was funny."
Me - "Not really. How are you not freaking out right now?"
Phaeton - "Because it was a nice ghost...And he was probably bored, so he wanted to watch a show. But nothing was on. So he turned it off.....[then Phaeton put two earplugs in]....Good night!"
______

I love my husband a lot. But not enough to watch horror shows with him...Ever. Again.

Back on strike.