A few months ago, we added something new into our bedtime routine. Every night after we tuck her into bed and before we say "Good night," we ask Adeleigh, "What was your favorite part of today?"
It's helped us close our day, no matter how tough or awesome it may have been, on a positive note.
We usually talk about the friends she has played with, the cousins she went sledding with, Grandma and Grandpa who came to visit, playing with her brother, playing at the park, or the toy store. On Christmas Day, despite all of her new toys, the thing that stood out most was the fun she had at bathtime.
Every night, I have patiently been awaiting my turn.
Tonight, it finally came. And it felt awesome.
Me, while cuddling with her in her bed - "Adeleigh, I know you didn't feel well. And today was tough. But, what was your favorite part of today?"
Adeleigh - "Being with you, Mommy."
I gave her a squeeze. "What was your favorite part of today, Mommy?"
Mine was an easy answer. "Being with you."
We are all in this together, Moms. Awesome and miraculous as it is, motherhood is far from easy. Children are ever-evolving. And as the Momma, you are ever-expected to keep up. And just when you think you're getting a grip on everything, your child throws a wrench into the gears, or a golfball at your face, or bites the dog, or runs into the street. So you adapt. You take a different approach...
You have successes. You make mistakes. You learn something everyday. Even with 2 hours of sleep under your belt or with barf running down the back of your shirt, you're always learning. There are days that you've got it figured out, and those where you haven't got a clue. But what's nice about this journey called motherhood, is that almost everywhere you turn is a mom who has been there, done that.
To her - Thank you for allowing me to feel "normal". Whatever "normal" might look like today.
To the mom at the park who gives me her number to call if I need an emergency play date, babysitter or info on local storytimes - Thank you for your help.
To the mom who tells me that it is not a sign of weakness to express frustrations about parenthood - Thank you for relieving some of my guilt.
To the mom who tells me I'm not a bad mother because sometimes I yell - Thank you for not judging me.
To the mom who tells me that sometimes she yells too - Thank you for your honesty.
To the mom who I know I can text or call anytime for advice - from "How do I keep my child from running into the street?" to "When should my kids start school?" - Thank you for sharing your experience.
To the mom who offers to trim my baby's fingernails because I'm too scared to - Thank you for your support.
To the mom who thinks to call me on a particularly trying day just to see how I am doing and ends up talking, crying and laughing with me for hours - Thank you for your friendship.
To the mom who I think has everything figured out, but admits to me that she doesn't - Thank you for your example.
To the mom who helped shape me as a little girl, helped support me as a woman and helps to guide me as a mom - Thank you for everything. I hope I make you proud.
Parenting is awesome. Especially those days where everything is smooth-sailing. Like when the baby sleeps for half of it, and when he isn't snoozing, he is smiling. Or when I don't even have to remind the girl once that "It hurts your little brother when you poke his eye with your finger." She just knows. When I am able to successfully wash, dry and fold a load of laundry within one 24- hour period AND teach my daughter all I know about the letter B. Or when I am able to squeeze in fifteen minutes of yoga at the end of the day after both kids are fast asleep in their beds. And I go to bed smiling, without carrying any mommy-guilt, and I think that it can be like this everyday....
And then tomorrow comes. It always does.
The baby fussed all night, probably from the 2 slices of garlic bread I ate with dinner. And after a whopping 2 hours of sleep which started at 6 am, I am woken up by a wailing 3 year old who is telling me she needs some chocolate chips in her pink yogurt placed directly in front of Team Umizoomi...like, NOW! But, wait! First let me show you these Dora "Dand-aid stickers" that I found on the top shelf of your medicine cabinet that are now stuck to my face! "We need more Dand-aids, Mom. We can go get some at the store today, okay?!"
When I think that the family is content for a minute, I go to get dressed and find that my options for attire are the yoga pants with 5 baby barfs or the yoga pants with 3 baby barfs and a poop. And I opt for the 5 baby barfs because for some reason, that just seems more sanitary...
I go to make myself a cup of coffee and the Verismo is jammed and I've not got the time to fix it because the baby is hungry for some preferably non-garlic boobmilk. But, I decide that I am going to let him fuss for a minute while I at least prep my raspberry Noosa, chia seed, gluten free granola, with a splash of chocolate chips breakfast (Yes, she gets it from me.) And I look in the fridge to find No. More. Noosa.
So, I sit in front of Team Umizoomi to feed the baby....Adeleigh polished off her yogurt and is now begging for Cheerios with milk and I am now wearing the yoga pants with 6 barfs. Where's my robe?
I take a few deep breaths, change my clothes and get Adeleigh her Cheerios.
After everyone is full, I pull out the supplies to make a paper towel roll "A is for Ant" craft that I tell Adeleigh her daddy will absolutely love...I feel sort of brilliant for having thought up this creation...and when Daddy comes home that evening, he tells us how much he loves the centipede we made.
Me - "It's an ant. We're doing the letter A this week. The ant is holding a mini apple and there's an Ariel sticker on its back...they all start with A. Why did you think it was a centipede?"
Phaeton - "Because it has legs growing off of his face. Ants have legs on their thorax."
I take it all in, questioning the skewed understanding of entomology that Adeleigh will grow up having as a result of this craft...
Me - "Shoot. You're right! I need to change that immediately."
......
So, there was that one day where Adeleigh didn't poke her brother's eyes, and Atticus slept for half the day, and I taught my daughter something accurate, and I did laundry and a few minutes of yoga. And I ended the day feeling grateful that no one stepped in any dog poop in the backyard. That was an easy day of parenting.
But most days are a little more adventurous...a little dirtier...oftentimes a little less easy.
But either way, at the end of the day, I am just so grateful for these 2 little people who bring so much love and joy into our lives. Who bring so much life into our home. Who some days drive me crazy, but who teach me more about love than I ever thought possible. Who every day, teach me more than I will ever teach them.
The smell of taco seasoning fills the air. Phaeton is in the kitchen cutting up tomatoes trying to tell me about his overnight Starbucks conference, which I can hardly hear over the sound of Adeleigh banging on her piano and singing "Muffin man" over and over as loud as her microphone will go. I think I heard him say that he was the only one there without a smartphone...
I am sitting with a mostly content baby on my lap who just spit up on my third change of clothes for the day, his fourth. There are 3 baskets of unfolded clean laundry and another load waiting to be put in the dryer. They will probably sit long enough in the washing machine that they will mildew and I will have to rerun their cycle...
I did manage to empty the dishwasher earlier today! But, twelve cups of fruit lay scattered along the pantry floor because their box busted open earlier and I didn't want to take the time to bend over and clean them up. It was more important that I pour myself a small glass of wine and eat chocolate chips.
We eat our lukewarm dinner. Atticus' heel is red because it keeps dipping into Daddy's food. Adeleigh's quesadilla remains untouched, even though she made me remake it after I cut it into triangles instead of leaving it a circle....
She tells me her belly is full but "Can I have oranges?" So instead of questioning it, I pick up a fruit cup off the pantry floor and hand it to her.
The baby sneezes on Adeleigh's face and she insists that she needs hand sanitizer. We get her ready for bed, stories read and tuck her in. I walk down the stairs to find the giant cardboard box that has been sitting in our entryway since Christmas. I am determined to turn it into a Pinterest-inspired train table - which won't happen until the laundry gets done - the laundry that is probably molding in the machine upstairs.
I decide to make myself some hot cocoa while holding a sleepy baby. As I walk around the corner to the kitchen, I slam my toes into the leg of the highchair.
I notice all the pots are dirty, so decide on microwaving the milk. But there's only enough milk to get Adeleigh through breakfast, so I turn around and walk out.
I sit down on the couch and smile. Because even though it's chaos, I wouldn't change a thing.
:)
"Hey, Honey. What's your New Year's resolution?"
My husband isn't listening.
Here we are - eating nachos and drinking wine on the loveseat, the baby is on my lap cooing at the TV while eating his hand. The girl has been asleep for hours already.
It's been a big year:
We became landlords and moved into a bigger home.
We had a son!
I became a stay at home Momma.
I pinned approximately 347 things and created 4 of them.
We discovered that art can be created from toilet paper rolls.
We fired our mechanic.
We nearly killed our most resilient plant...and killed all the others.
We still don't own smart phones.
Adeleigh started calling me "The Grumpy Dragon" when she doesn't get her way.
We laughed a lot.
We learned what happens when a black permanent marker finds its way into the dryer.
...
A little louder this time, "HEY! What's your New Year's resolution?!"
Phaeton - "I don't @#$%& know.....To cuss less."
He's watching Feliz 2014, the Spanish Channel's New Year's Eve coverage in New York.
Phaeton - "Do you understand this?"
Me - "Um. No."
Phaeton - "I can't understand this at all."
If you had asked me 5 days ago where I would be in a week, I would have told you that I'm going back to work - back to a job that I love, with people I love working with. The kids will be taken care of - Adeleigh at her new preschool and Atticus at home. Grandma will help out one day a week. And Phaeton and I will work opposite shifts, so one of us will always be with him. We won't have a day as a family for at least 5 or 6 months, and we may only have 1 or 2 evenings a week together - unless one of us calls out sick for a day. Since Atticus still will not take to a bottle, I will just make the commute home on my lunches to nurse. If needed, Phaeton and Grandma will bring him to me throughout the day. It will be....stressful. But, we will make it work.
Then today, I officially accepted my dream job -
We had always talked about the possibility of allowing me to stay home, but never really anticipated it happening. We have many friends who do it and make it work. We talked to family members who make it work. And we decided to seriously take a look and see if we could make it work too.
We can. And we will. It just makes sense. I plan on looking for a few kiddos (maybe one or two) to watch during the day, so that I can still generate some income. And I am excited to be able to utilize my Human Development and Family Studies degree in our home.
I know it won't always be easy, but neither would the alternative. So, I am not going back to the job that I love with the people I love working with. But, I get to do the job that I love more with the people I love most. It just feels....right.
So today, as I snuggle with the kids on the couch eating apples, Adeleigh yelling at me that she needs more peanut butter, I can't help but feel excited to hear that sweet voice yell at me more often.
Who could leave this sweet face during the day anyway?
In case any of you hadn't heard, the Spumoni ice cream trick did not send me into active labor. I ended up with 9 days of "prolonged early labor", 2 false alarm trips to the hospital, and an extra pint of black licorice tasting calories...Which I wish could have been mint.
Here I am at false alarm #1 -
October 1st - I went to work in labor, beginning to think that this was my new life. This baby is staying put - forever. I had already had my membranes stripped once, with nothing to show except an extreme disliking of having my membranes stripped. And on this day, I went back to my midwives, only to hear what I had been hearing for the last 9 days, "You are definitely ready to have this baby. He could come today. Or he might wait another week."
I may have yawned.
"Do you want me to try stripping you again?"
Since this was my new life, and I was growing used to the pain, I told her yes, fully expecting it to be another unsuccessful attempt.
I went back to work, against my husband's advice, and encouraged that he go see a movie and pick me back up at 5.
Phaeton - "Um. I don't think so. What if you go into active labor?"
Me - "I won't. And if I do, just have your phone on vibrate."
He decided to grab a pizza and beer and either wait for my call or wait until 5pm.
Thirty minutes in, he texted to see how I was.
I texted him - Contractions are two minutes apart again, but I fully expect them to stop any minute.
Honey, let me come get you.
No. Go to a movie.
Fifteen minutes later, he texts.
I texted him - They are getting more intense. But, it's only been fifteen minutes.
I'm coming to get you.
Let's wait to see if they last an hour.
Honey...
Two minutes later - Come get me. This hurts.
He was already halfway there.
We went to get Adeleigh from daycare and met up with my parents. Then headed straight to the hospital.
I was dilated to a 7 after having been stuck at 4 cm for a week. For the third time in 9 days I heard, "This is it!" Then, since this was my new life, a little piece of me was convinced that I would be the medical mystery that would undilate back to a 4.
At 11:45pm my midwife, Lani came to check on me. A quick look and she said, "This baby is ready. Go ahead and push...let's see what happens."
I pushed.
"Oh this won't take long. Push again."
If any of you remember my very first blog post, it took 4 & 1/2 hours of pushing before I could call myself a momma. So hearing my midwife say "this won't take long" was music to my ears.
My midwife started yelling for the nurse (the same nurse that delivered Adeleigh) to get in there. Then, she said something that made me laugh...
Please note: At this exact moment in time, I was still pregnant, which translates to - I have no recollection of what she said. But I have the epidural to thank for allowing me to laugh while pushing a baby out.
His head crowned. Our nurse still hadn't arrived, and I assume due to some rule or legality, my midwife told me, "No pushing! And no laughing until Jan gets back!" She literally held his head in place through 2 contractions until the nurse walked in. Four minutes (and 2 contractions worth) into a new day, caught by his daddy, my little guy was here.
And [almost] born by laughter, he is perfect.
There's this common idea that Spumoni ice cream has labor-inducing effects. We've been hearing a lot of advice lately to give it a try. And when you've been having strong contractions anywhere between 2 and 60 minutes apart for 5 days straight, had over 5 labor checks in 3 days and been in and out of the hospital with false labor, you heed all the advice you can get.
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Earlier today, Phaeton and I ate at Snooze for brunch after yet another midwife appointment for the week. We walked inside to put our name down.
Host - "Two today? Can I get your name?"
Me - "Yes. Heather. And I have an interesting request."
Host - "What's that?"
Me - "Can we please get a booth, off to the side, not in the open? I'm having contractions and don't want everyone to see it."
Host - "Sure thing. You know what's funny? I've had that request a few times in my time working in restaurants. It'll be about 5-10 minutes for your table."
We were seated in our booth and our waitress greeted us. "Hey guys! I thought the next time you'd be here you'd have another little baby in your arms!"
Me - "Ha! We did too! I've actually been having contractions for 5 days now, so hopefully soon."
Then, she proceeded to tell us about her experience working at an italian restaurant a few doors down. She said that almost 100% of the time, customers who ordered their spumoni ice cream went into active labor within 24 hours.
Phaeton - "We've heard about spumoni a lot lately. Where did you guys get your ice cream from?"
Waitress - "Just across the street at Walrus. But, I think they only sell it to restaurants. I don't know if you'd be able to get it yourselves."
When we left the restaurant, we decided to make a stop across the street at Walrus. I sat in the car and watched Phaeton walk inside, fully expecting him to come back out in a matter of seconds without any spumoni ice cream. A few minutes went by, I had an excruciatingly painful contraction, and out he walked with a brown paper bag and the biggest smirk on his face. He got in the car and said, "Well, that was a weird experience."
__
Phaeton had walked in and was greeted by a young girl working behind the counter.
Phaeton - "Hey, do you guys happen to have any spumoni?"
Girl - "What's spumoni?"
Phaeton - "It's something you take when you're in labor and want the baby to come out quicker."
Girl - "Oh, ummmm....??? Let me go ask the Ice Cream Maker."
The girl left the room for a few moments and returned with a confused look on her face - "Are you from a restaurant?"
Phaeton - "Uhh. Yes."
Girl - "Which restaurant?"
Phaeton - "....[awkward pause]....The restaurant that's going to give me some spumoni."
.....{crickets}.....
Even more confused Girl - "Ummm....I'll be right back."
She left again and walked back out with the Ice Cream Maker.
Ice Cream Maker - "Which restaurant are you with?"
Phaeton, sticking to his awkward answer - "The restaurant that is going to give me some spumoni."
.....{more crickets}.....
Phaeton and the Ice Cream Maker just stared at each other for a little while....It sounded a little bit like this-
Ice Cream Maker - "Yeah. We have spumoni."
He opened up a fridge, separate from the other flavors and put the bucket on the counter. He left the room without another word. The girl opened up the container.
Girl - "Whoa."
Phaeton - "What?"
Girl - "There are just so many flavors in here!"
Phaeton - "That's what makes it so powerful. You need to remember this: When you are in labor, you need to eat some spumoni to get the baby out. Can you remember that?" Girl - "I'm never going to forget this day for the rest of my life.....How much do you want? A pint?"
Phaeton - "Yes, please."
Girl - "Would you like another pint?"
Phaeton - "I won't need anymore until next time."
Girl - "Okay. Enjoy your spumoni."
Phaeton - "Oh, it isn't for me." And he walked out with his brown bag and the biggest, most mischievous grin on his face, like he had successfully performed a secret underground operation for his pregnant wife.
Today was not one of my finer days of being a Mom. I blame it on feeling 92 weeks pregnant with excruciating leg cramps and feeling like everytime this baby moves inside of me, a watermelon is going to fall out. Meanwhile, I'm also trying to entertain a rambunctious 3-year-old who refuses to nap while my husband is away at work. All I want to do is sleep. But, I would also settle for going into labor so that the watermelon pain would soon subside.
So this afternoon, I had a pregnant Mommy temper tantrum, and unnecessarily sent Adeleigh to "the naughty step". And then I broke down. I didn't know for sure if I was crying because I was in so much pain, or if I was pregnant, or if it was because I felt awful for having snapped at her, or if I was frustrated, or if I just needed a good cry, or all of the above. But my little girl sensed that I needed something and got herself up from the naughty step, walked over to me with a tissue and wiped away my tears. "Mommy, don't be sad. I want you to be happy right now. Do you need a hug and a kiss?"
"Yes, sweetie. I need a hug and a kiss."
She gave me the sweetest hug and kiss, another hug and kiss, wiped away more tears and threw the tissue away in the wastebasket. "Are you happy now?"
"Yes, Adeleigh. Mommy is very happy because of you. I just don't feel well. But, I'm very sorry that I yelled at you."
"That's okay, Mommy. I love hanging out with you. Don't be sad."
I felt a slew of emotions, more happy than anything, and the tears just kept coming. I tried explaining to Adeleigh that I wasn't sad, but that now I was crying because I was happy.
A few minutes later, Phaeton called on his way home from work. In the middle of our conversation, Adeleigh grabbed the phone from me and told him, "Daddy, Mommy is very sick and sad. But, I will take care of her and make her happy again."
So, after a day of questioning myself and how I would ever survive as a momma of two, let alone a momma of one and a watermelon protruding from my stomach, I suddenly realized that everything will be just fine. I'm sure there will be difficult days ahead. And I'm sure that I will have some additional not-so-fine Momma moments. But today, when I was quickly reminded of the innocence and pure, unconditional love that emits from my little girl's heart, I realized why I was so overcome with emotion. I realized that all of the moments and memories, all of the overwhelming feelings and emotions, all of the learning and growth of the last three years that we've shared with Adeleigh, are about to be multiplied.
And I feel ready. Not just physically ready, but for the first time, really ready for this next chapter in our family. So, while today didn't go as ideally as I would have liked, I think I needed today to happen the way it did so that I could get there.
I can't quite believe it. I remember the day you were born as vividly as I remember two minutes ago. And look at you. Now you are three.
We carry on simple and thoughtful conversations. We give lots of hugs and kisses. We teach each other everyday about love, about being vulnerable, about facing our fears. You can tell me that you love me without me saying it first. You amaze me everyday with your compassion and genuine concern for others. With your knowledge and comprehension of the world surrounding you. Like this evening, when you explained to me that we needed to get a screwdriver out of Daddy's toolbox so that we could put batteries in your toy. I assumed Daddy had said that to you just minutes prior, but he hadn't.
You make your Daddy and me laugh everyday and one of our favorite things is hearing your giggle. We also really love your freckles. We love that you say Mommy and Daddy are your best friends, because you are ours too.
We may not always show it, but we love that you face our fears. Like yesterday, when we were having family photos taken and you decided to start climbing a tree.
Photo by Jessica Loucks
HeartStrong Photography
We didn't even know you could climb trees. We love your confidence and your artistry in everything you do. Even if you fall down and roll across the room doing it, you are not afraid to get up and try it again. You are a strong independent little girl. But we love that you still need us. We need you too.
Adeleigh, you have taught your Daddy and me what family is all about. We didn't comprehend the magnitude of its meaning until you.
Happy Birthday, Little One.
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