A little perspective

Before we had a baby, we had no clue what to expect. We heard all kinds of advice and tips and words of wisdom. [Almost] everything was supportive and positive. Of course we knew it wouldn't all be butterflies and ice-cream sundaes, but we still loved imagining what the future held. We still do. And while [most of] the advice and support has been unbelievably helpful and eye-opening and much appreciated, nothing could have prepared us for the multitude of feelings, emotions and overwhelming sense of love that develops so naturally and effortlessly with becoming a parent.
So, to try and figure out that which was unknown, we tried to establish all of our answers to the questions about parenting before Adeleigh arrived. I think it's important to have a basic, general idea of some ground rules you plan on following, like not giving Baby honey, cow's milk, or cigarettes until Baby is at least one. But I also think it's okay to not follow all of the rules all of the time. Here are some of the rules I've broken: Don't sleep with your baby.  Don't let her watch T.V.  Don't pick her up everytime she cries (I'm getting better about this one, but it's hard). Don't let her have her pacifier after 9 months. Don't let her eat cupcakes. Don't forget to go on a date with your husband at least once a month. I'll stop there. So, what I've learned are that a lot of those "Oh, I'll never do (fill-in the blank here)" comments have turned into "Now I see why some parents buy leashes for their kids." Not that we'll ever do that one (or will we...?) but the motivation behind it makes a little more sense.

Adeleigh eating cupcakes

So, in eleven months, Phaeton and I have gone on 3 dates. This rule is harder to keep than we thought. We already feel that our time throughout the day is limited to spend as a family, so we try to spend every possible moment we can with Adeleigh. My mother-in-law describes it as "Being away from your baby is like having your arm cut off and not knowing what to do with yourself." That's completely how it feels. How can I enjoy a date when my arm is still at home eating sweet potatoes?
The first date, we didn't even know what to do with ourselves. But our friends, Jen and Eric strongly encouraged that we take some time while they and their adorable daughter, Harper watched Adeleigh. We drove from the north end of town, to the south end, probably stopped off at Target somewhere in there, ate Chipotle, I'm sure, and picked her up. It was the weirdest 40 minutes of my life...okay, maybe it was 4 hours. A much needed and appreciated 4 hours, but weird.

Harper and Adeleigh

(photo taken by Harper's mom)

We realize that 3 dates in 11 months isn't much. We just remembered that Monday is our 4th Anniversary. It's amazing to think about where four years has taken us! So there will have to be at least a 4th date before Adeleigh turns four, I mean one.

So part of what makes leaving her so hard is coming to the realization that though Adeleigh is an extension of us, she is her own individual little being. An eating, breathing, sleeping, pooping, crawling, babbling little person. You're probably thinking, Of course she's an individual. But really, this whole concept has taken some getting used to on my part. Especially during those months when Adeleigh was nursing, when I was her source of food, of life. The bond felt as though we were one. We were thriving off one another. And while the breastfeeding days have passed, that bond, that sense of truly needing someone, remains. And it grows everyday.
I'm starting to get it now that I've inherited the responsibility and joy of caring for my own "arm". It's hard to watch when your arm is crying, or teething or bumps its head on the coffee table. But, part of growing as a mom is allowing those aches and pains to happen and realizing that Adeleigh will be stronger because of them. I'm going to have a serious reality check when she starts driving, dating, going to college...One day at a time, Heather. Now I see why my mom was always so protective of her kids. She always wanted to know where we were, when we would be home, that we were safe, and happy. She was following the natural intuitions of being a mom, of having a connection to something, or someone, unlike any other. When I became a mom, I gained a greater appreciation for my mother and for all the protectiveness and worry she felt.

Eleven months in and there are days where I still don't quite know what I'm doing. You really do learn as you go. I try to take it one day at a time and do the best I can. Sometimes I mess up. And I guarantee I'll mess up again. But whatever happens, I won't let Adeleigh kiss any boys until she's at least twenty-one.